I haven't had a great deal of good experiences with relationships in high school, and that is why I am making this post. I think that most people think love is a good thing but I just don't know anymore.
If I think hard enough, I can remember freshman year. I wasn't thinking about love much then, so it was a big surprise that I was asked to go to the women pay all dance by a girl I knew from show choir. We went in a huge group, went out to eat, road in a limo to the dance, and, at least to the best of my knowledge, had a great time. After that dance, we hung out some more and went bowling with that group of girls and their dates. The question was posed that day as to whether that girl and I were going out or if we were just friends. I said that I would like to go out with her and she said she needed some time. After a week of not talking to and barely looking at me she told me that maybe we shouldn't go out and I think we have become good enemies from that day on. I did ask out one other girl that year only to be turned down in no such spectacular way as the other girl did.
During sophomore year, I tried to find someone special many times. For the homecoming dance, I asked a senior who I had known since my first day at high school. She said yes and we joined her group. We had a great time but I never got to ask her out because she met a freshman that she clearly liked better than me given that she took him to prom and WPA. I persuaded one of my good friends to go to WPA with me by making it pretty much a regular men pay all dance. After the dance we talked a lot and went out with our friends but when I tried to ask her out she said that she was not going to date until she was out of high school and in college because of her beliefs. It is funny, however, that she currently has a boy friend and low and behold, she is still in high school. I did try to ask out one other friend but she just told me that she would rather be friends and nothing more.
This year, I took a good friend that I started to like to a dance with me but we went in a group and it wasn't very couple friendly. I hung out with her almost everyday, we went to lunch and the movies with friends and talked a lot. I tried to find a sweet, romantic way to ask her out but it wasn't good enough and she told me we are nothing but friends. I know that she likes one of my best friends now. How nice for me! But as you know, I am nothing more than a friend to anyone.
And that is why I question whether love is really good or not. In my experience, I think love is a painful let down. The heart is such a vital organ that gives you life and maybe that is why it hurts so much when we loose love. Perhaps it is really taking away a little more life or reason to live each time love is denied. That is how my heart feels but then again I don't know much else. I have never known what it feels like to have someone that I love love me back I believe that is what makes the difference. My hope is that someday I may know love and have it reciprocated but until then I will live with what life is left in my heart.
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aaaaw music man you'll fnid someone someday!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMusic man all those girls werent good enough for you. You will find someone who is worthy of you someday. You are smart, funny, talented and everything! You just wait there will be girls falling at your feet in no time ;) Until then just keep going on, just have fun with life and dont worry about relationships, they jsut complicate things have fun with friends and let love take its course. Believe me you will find it.
ReplyDeleteYou don't need this kind of love to satisfy you. The love of the world does not bring happiness as society claims. God's love is the only thing anyone needs in life and it gives eternal joy. Jesus loves you. As cliché as it sounds, it is the only truth in life. A relationship with God is what you need. He loves unconditionally. And no matter how many times you get rejected by imperfect people, God will never let you down. 1 John 2:5 says, "But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him."
ReplyDeleteI'm not much better myself, you know. After living out the patterns you just described for the entirety of my existence, something unexpected happened. One of my best female friends actually reciprocated my feelings, and for me, it was the among the best experienced I've ever had, for the short time it lasted. But after a long, complicated, and increasingly frequent series of conflicts, she backed out of the relationship. Now, I regret ever embarking on such an endeavor, for the breakup was effectively the absolute worst experience of my entire life -- even greater in magnitude than that of my former happiness. It's been 4 months, and I'm still suffering from depression, yet slowly recovering. So in essence, a romantic relationship is not all it's worked up to be; there are certainly risks to take, and a possibility (regardless of likelihood)of devastation worse than before. It's comparable to a ladder: the higher up you climb (in a relationship), the more you'll get hurt if you fall. So here's my advice: be grateful that you still have a heart, even if it's missing a few pieces. you've got a lot going for you, and I think you have a great chance for success in the future. Just hang in there.
ReplyDeleteOh, I forgot to elaborate on something. That one girl I mentioned earlier won't even be friends with me anymore. She won't speak to, look at, or even be around me. some days I could have sworn that she even TRIES to torment me by waving her affection for others around in my face, something that she knows I will never have: friendship. So yes, I think it's a good thing (looking at the glass half full, that is) that all your "denials" at least still want to hang around as your friends. Well, save for that first case. But that kind of crap is unavoidable sometimes, as I well know by now...
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